Women explain why they decided to go to Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center to have their tubes repaired.
An active topic on the Tubal Reversal Message board was started by 'WIMom27' who asked other women why they decided to go to Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center to have their tubes repaired. She gets a lot of responses such as these from 'tammyfromWI' who posts, "I was actually directed to CHTRC thru the UW-Madison's Infertility Clinic. They told me that it was well know all over the U.S and throughout the world. I could have had it done at the UW's clinic but they told me it would cost around $20,000 and have to do an inpatient stay. I talked to them for about five more minutes, came home, researched the website, and then made the call to CHTRC. I scheduled my surgery for 3/24/10. We decided to wait a couple months to TTC and in June started. We did end up with a BFP. It was a keeper. I'm currently 19 weeks pregnant and so happy with my decision to go with them. They do this everyday and know what they are doing." 'Yumenut' writes, "I flew to NC from Moscow Russia to have my surgery at CHTRC on 10/14/10. I don't regret one dime that we spent on the trip or the surgery. You can tell from the message boards and the information on this website that the entire staff cares about every patient." 'ChrisNbrian' follows up with, "I choose Chapel Hill ultimately because that is where my doctor recommended. He said that one of his associates does the TR but Dr Berger is less expensive and has a higher success rate. I just kept hearing my doctors words in my head telling me that reversals are all that CH does and Dr Berger is the best in the business!" In short, if you want the best chance of becoming pregnant after tubal ligation, go to Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center.
Posted by WIMom27 (Member # 14187) on November 01, 2010 02:43 PM :
A couple of years ago when I first found CHTRC and started doing my research on TR, I might have already asked this question.... but, I am back to doing my research AGAIN and trying to really get all the info I can to make an informed decision! I am torn between deciding between 2 different TR facilities and just want to know how others made their decision to use CHTRC? How do you feel about your decision? What factors helped you make that decision? I just want to be absolutely sure I am making the right decision, because I cannot afford the time or money to do this more than once!
Posted by michellela (Member # 14794) on November 01, 2010 02:54 PM :
It would be to my surprise if you were able to find "1" person who didn't have the most upmost respect for the doctors and staff at CHTRC. You will not find any better care at any other facility. If you read on this message board, you will see the amazing stories that have taken place in many of our lives from the moment we left CHTRC a new woman, with the chance to conceive again. Every member of their staff truly cares about your well being and gives you the highest level of care. As you can see, I am a huge fan.
Posted by jtcrazynluv (Member # 11201) on November 01, 2010 02:57 PM :
WImom, I am in the same position as you and I think we're trying to decide between the same places lol!
Posted by faithhopelove3 (Member # 14930) on November 01, 2010 02:58 PM :
WImom27~ the question is~ This other doctor that you found, does he/she only do this surgery every day or do they do other things??? I know I would only want the best doing this surgery and in my opinion CH is the best!!!! I had my surgery on Thursday and feel great!!!! You will not be disappointed by going to CH!!! They really do care!!!
Posted by eneitge (Member # 14887) on November 01, 2010 03:00 PM :
I chose CHTRC because I liked the statistics I saw for success on the site, everything you wanted to know was laid out right there for you, even the hotel and transportation to and from it, no stressful navigating in a foreign land, risking being late or anything else. If you have any questions, the staff are all super friendly, and if they don't have the answer, they get it for you and get back to you that day or the next day. I also like that they use out of office responses on e-mail, so if it's going to take some time to get back to you, you know what day that person will be back. I liked that the doctors' experience in the field was explained on the site, and that the doctors are accessable to the patients, it's not "Please contact my nurse who will talk to me for you." I liked that the payment options were affordable and easy to arrange. Everything you needed to know about before, during, and after was easy to understand, everything they needed was easy to get to them. I have not regretted our decision at all, I have had a few surgeries in my life, all the others locally, and this was, by far, the easiest, and it was done by people I'd never met, in a place I'd never been!! Hope this helps, good luck on making your decision and for a successful procedure!! ~Liz
Posted by NJgirlinWI (Member # 12872) on November 01, 2010 03:17 PM :
I also live in WI, in Weston (just south of Wausau). We debated because NC was the farthest of the places that we researched but for many reasons, they seemed to be the best choice. My best friend is also a nurse so I asked her opinion. She was so impressed with the details, statistics, pictures, message board and care that was put into the website that she agreed that we should go to CHTRC. TR surgery is ALL that they do there and in my opinion, they have it perfected! After we sent our money, I kept thinking that it was too good to be true. On our drive I thought, what if we get there and it's a vacant lot?! Sure enough it was as wonderful as everyone says. You will not regret it...
Posted by eneitge (Member # 14887) on November 01, 2010 03:57 PM :
Wow...lots of us WI girls on here!! LOL I'm just north of Eau Claire
Posted by Tanya from VA (Member # 9507) on November 01, 2010 07:18 PM :
I liked so much about CH but it just had the right feel. It came down to CH and a place in Georgia and frankly, CH just felt right. After coming to CH, having my TR and having so much history on the boards - I would tell anyone that this place is second to none.
Posted by chrisNbrian (Member # 12818) on November 01, 2010 09:29 PM :
I'm from Wisconsin too! (Appleton) I choose CH ultimately because that is where my doctor recommended. He said that one of his associates does the TR but Dr Berger is less expensive and has a higher success rate. I did lots of research looking at other places but kept coming back to CH. I just kept hearing my doctors words in my head telling me that reversals are all that CH does and Dr Berger is the best in the business! NJgirlinWI, my husband and I thought what if we show up and there is just this dumpy old run down building with a "doctor" standing at the door waiting to do the surgery. We actually kept joking about it the 2 days before surgery. (we arrived on Saturday and surgery was Monday) Everytime the shuttle took us anywhere or when we went out for a walk we tried to find the trashiest place and say to the other one "yep, that's CH, step right up". I guess we have a weird sense of humor but I really think the joking part kept me from getting too nervous. Once we arrived at the real CHTRC we couldn't have been more pleased. The place was spotless and everyone was super nice.
Posted by tammyfrmWI (Member # 14506) on November 01, 2010 09:58 PM :
I was actually directed to CHTRC thru the UW-Madison's Infertility Clinic. They told me that it was well know all over the U.S and throughout the world. I could have had it done at the UW's clinic but they told me it would cost around $20,000 and have to do an inpatient stay. I talked to them for about five more minutes, came home, researched the website, and then made the call to CHTRC. I scheduled my surgery for 3/24/10. We decided to wait a couple months to TTC and in June started. We did end up with a BFP. It was a keeper. I'm currently 19 weeks pregnant and so happy with my decision to go with them. They do this everyday and know what they are doing. They make you feel at peace with your decision up until you close your eyes for surgery. I understand that everyone goes into this journey with the "what if" questions. I did. That's normal. Not everyone is gonna have the same outcomes. There are negatives along with many positives to it. That's why it's called a journey. I can promise you one thing. You will walk away from CHTRC and be very happy that you did it. I wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do!!
Posted by WIMom27 (Member # 14187) on November 01, 2010 11:23 PM :
NJgirlinWI.... WOW... we are practically neighbors! I live only about 35-40 mins. from you, near Shawano! Thank you everyone for your responses. The issue I am having in deciding is that both places I am deciding between are "state of the art" facilities with TR specialists that ONLY perform TR surgeries and have both been doing it for over 30 years! Both places have support groups... but CH's website is definitely more informative and more supportive! I have just been afraid of choosing based solely on a good website..... Thank you for your feedback on your experiences.
Posted by yumenut (Member # 15030) on November 02, 2010 01:50 AM :
WIMom27, I flew to NC from Moscow Russia to have my surgery at CHTRC on 10/14/10. I don't regret one dime that we spent on the trip or the surgery. You can tell from the message boards and the information on this website that the entire staff cares about every patient. They think of everything!!! I love the fact that they require you to stay at a certain hotel, which is fantastic, so a nurse can come check on you. If you decide on CHTRC, you won't be disappointed!
Posted by NJgirlinWI (Member # 12872) on November 02, 2010 09:32 AM :
I forgot to mention that in my last post. As you are in the waiting area just before it's "your turn", there are 2 huge maps on the wall. One map is the US and one is the world, seriously! You put your pin into the map indicating where you are from. We were amazed at how far women come to have CHTRC do their surgery. My husband stayed at the hotel with our kiddo's and my mom drove up from SC to accompany me. She was skeptical at first but when she saw those maps, her eyes got big and her jaw dropped. For once, my darling (and very opinionated) mother was speechless!! It truly is impressive to see all of those colored pins on those maps. It made me realize just how many families have trusted Dr Berger (and now Dr M) to give them another chance...
Posted by laurie,CST (Member # 14932) on November 02, 2010 09:53 AM :
This is so true. CHTRC is the only place that specializes in tubal-reversal. So many people come all over the world to get their tubes reversed. Dr. Berger and Dr. Monteith have follow-up statistics on the outcomes of their surgeries and publish them for everyone to see. No other doctor does this or even has this information! The center keeps in touch with each patient over the long term. CHTRC is the most dedicated tubal-reversal in the world. If you want the best results, this is the place you should come to.
Posted by NJgirlinWI (Member # 12872) on November 02, 2010 01:05 PM :
WIMom27 be sure and keep us posted as to what you decide! Too bad we didn't find eachother sooner, we live so close to eachother that we could have carpooled to CHTRC
Posted by Megan, RN (Member # 14922) on November 03, 2010 09:33 AM :
Dr. Berger and Dr. Monteith are the only physicians in the country with a practice that is specifically limited to tubal reversal surgery. Reversal surgery is the only procedure we perform here with each doctor performing 2 - 4 reversals daily. We have a high staff/patient ratio with one or two nurses devoted specifically to your care while you are here. All of our nurses have advanced certification in cardiac life support (ACLS) and our anesthesiologists are MD's with board certification in anesthesia. The anesthesiologists are employees here and not anesthesia staff from another hospital or anesthesia service. So everyone here has expertise in caring for and performing reversal surgery. While you are here, you will only be with other women and couples who are here specifically for the same purpose. Please do not hesitate to contact our office with any questions or concerns while making your decision. Megan, RN
Posted by Tarajo (Member # 15087) on November 03, 2010 01:25 PM :
WIMom27 CHTRC was the 1st center I cam across when I began thinking about a reversal. And at the time didn't think I wanted to travel from Iowa to NC. Then something in me changed. At that point...I have to tell you that I researched, visited, and had phone contact with more then 25 fertility/tubal reversal specialists across the country. At the time we started our search each of those centers/specialist advised me that the cost of the procedure would be $12000-$20000. My husband and I thought to ourselves, if that was the price we were going to have to pay to have another child, then so-be-it. Each of the offices received my surgical reports, took my $150 consultation fee, either scheduled an appointment or called me on the phone. And each one of them crushed my dreams by telling me that since my tubes were burned I really didn\'t't have a chance at conception even after a reversal and that I should go the IVF route. At that point I was very close to having my mind made up on a center in WI, but something in me told me to give CHTRC a call. So I did...and I think from the second I was greeted over the phone my mind was made up. Each time I have called with an issue, my questions and concerns have all been address by the most friendly, knowledgeable, and caring staff in which I have ever encountered. I send over my surgical report and other information, and within an hour received confirmation that regardless of having my tubes burned during the ligation, they saw no reason why I would not have a very successful chance of conception. The very next day I scheduled my surgery and am now exactly 30 days from my surgery date. I am not only anxious for my surgery, but feel like I have already been made a part of a big CHTRC family and can't wait to meet everyone that has contacted me via phone and email. So if I can tell you anything to help you make your decision it is to call and speak with staff as much as you need to before making your desicion. As woman you know what is best for you and will ultimately make the right choice for you and only you!
~Best Wishes~
Posted by Megan, RN (Member # 14922) on November 03, 2010 03:09 PM :
Another Iowan!! Yay! I just moved from Des Moines in August and came to work at CHTRC. I absolutely think you are making the best decision by coming here. The staff and physicians actually care about their patients and have the most knowledge and experience of anyone in the tubal reversal business! Megan, RN
Posted by WIMom27 (Member # 14187) on November 03, 2010 10:05 PM :
Thank you for all of your comments everyone... I honestly feel that I have made my decision final to have my TR at CHTRC! I keep hearing from the other center I was looking at about how wonderful their after care is, etc.... but I have yet to see any of their staff participate in their support board like CHTRC does. Not only do the nurses and other staff join in on discussions but I have seen several posts by Dr. M on here as well, which has really impressed me. I think the longer it takes for me to get the money together and get this going the more doubts I tend to have.... then I get those doubts under control.... then start wondering about things again. I do appreciate all of the support on this board and I haven't even scheduled my surgery yet! Hoping that I can at least send in my deposit to open my account within the next couple of weeks!
Posted by Koah's mom (Member # 15041) on November 03, 2010 10:30 PM :
WImom, i wish you all the best! I'm in CA and having the hardest time trying to decide on TR and where to go?! I'm almost 41, need to lose 15 pounds, and need to make my decision by Jan 2011, time is ticking away. I love coming onto this site and feeling all of the moms on here, going through the same stuggles as myself!
Posted by Koah's mom (Member # 15041) on November 03, 2010 10:30 PM :
WImom, i wish you all the best! I'm in CA and having the hardest time trying to decide on TR and where to go?! I'm almost 41, need to lose 15 pounds, and need to make my decision by Jan 2011, time is ticking away. I love coming onto this site and feeling all of the moms on here, going through the same stuggles as myself!
Posted by Julie B., RN (Member # 14875) on November 04, 2010 09:58 AM :
Hi, ladies! I'm so glad to see you all exchanging thoughts and supporting each other as you make the decision to have tubal reversal surgery. As someone who gets to be with the surgeons every day in surgery, I can tell you that you will be in excellent hands if you choose to come to Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center. The expertise of the surgeons and staff is absolutely unparalleled. I'm very proud to be a part of such a special place. Julie B., RN
Posted by ALLtiedUP (Member # 13201) on November 04, 2010 10:28 AM :
WImom27, You will not regret having your surgery at CHTRC! I too researched just about every place there was and I just kept coming back to CH. No other place could compare to the statistics and like you said, the support and care shows here on the message board, but just WAIT until you see how you are cared for in person! I don't know which TR center you are talking about and I am not sure what I am allowed to say here, but I considered one b/c it looked so fabulous on their website...at first..and they had a message board yes. But I decided to steer clear of that place. I decided that a lot of effort made to make comparison charts to other TR centers and promises to re-reverse tubes if they become blocked is not a good way to try to reel in business, when CHTRC just has facts and REAL numbers that show their success without having to make cheap shots like that. Does that make sense? That was just how I felt about it. I am pretty sure I know which center you are talking about I hope this helps! Jill
TR 7-19-10
L-8
R-6.5
No regrets!! (tubes are OPEN b/c PTLS is GONE!)
Posted by WIMom27 (Member # 14187) on November 04, 2010 06:16 PM :
alltiedup.... I'm pretty sure we are talking about the same other TR center.... and the things you mentioned are part of my reasons for not being sure about that one.... I have kept coming back to CH for several years, because of the support board, the wonderful information, the support from the staff, and the statistics, etc. I think I need to stop 2nd guessing and just go with my gut on this one! Thanks for all the support everyone! Now, if I can just pull together the money... we will be in business!
Posted by Tammylee (Member # 14383) on November 05, 2010 10:59 AM :
Another Wisconsin girl here (Ashland). I was referred to a University Minnesota hospital to do my surgery, for a starting price of $12,000. I had a feeling that it did not cover lab fees, consultations and so forth. Turns out I was right when I called and talked to their financial representative. That made me start looking on the web for alternatives. The thing I was immediately aware of was that I would have to travel across country no matter which place I choose, being that the quiet of northern Wisconsin is quiet for a reason. The reason I chose Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center was there commitment to their cause. We are what they do. They listen and respond. Right from initial phone questions to panic attacks before surgery, they are there with a gentle hand on your back.
The surgery was simple, the flight back to Minneapolis uneventful. My biggest concern was the 4 hour ride home from airport the day after surgery but with a few pain pills that too was a piece of cake. My baby making skills are not working for me yet, but I am not 25 anymore. There are days when I want to quit(usually CD2, when depression hits) but then by CD10 I am ready to try again.
The only advice I have is to live your life when going through this. Buy those jeans that are on sale, take that little trip, laugh when you can and hold as many babies that are offered to you. Tammy
Posted by Koah's mom (Member # 15041) on November 05, 2010 11:23 AM :
Wow Tammy, what wise words!!! I'm pre TR and so, so, so, worried that it is going to consume my entire soul, as it already has started, even before i've made my final decisionl! I need to remember to LIVE while i am trying to create another life. Thank you!!!
Source: http://www.tubal-reversal.net/forum-topic-tubal_reversal-1t003718.htm
Showing posts with label tubal ligation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tubal ligation. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Choosing The Best Tubal Reversal Surgery Doctor
After researching tubal reversal doctors and sending her tubal ligation records for review, a member of the Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center Message Board discusses her journey to choose the best tubal reversal surgeon to perform her reverse tubal ligation. Women who have chosen Dr. Gary Berger or Dr. Charles Monteith as their tubal reversal doctor discuss the events that led them to choose Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center and travel to North Carolina for surgery and describe their experience to potential patients. Dr. Berger is widely known as the most experienced tubal reversal doctor. He has performed more successful tubal reversals - resulting in the birth of more tubal reversal babies - than any doctor worldwide.
This is topic Need Help Making a Choice-PLEASE.. in forum Preparing for Tubal Reversal at Tubal Reversal Message Board.
Posted by darkfeary474 June 09, 2009 04:34 PM:
Hi Ladies!!!
I know it has been a long time sense I have posted on here and I am sorry for that!!!... but I am still on my journey to get my TR done, It's just with the research that I have been doing I am just not sure as to what direction I want to go,.... here is my problem.. - when I first started my search for a TR doctor, Dr. Berger was the first Doctor that I ran into on the net and he has already seen my post-Op report and said that I am a good candidate for the TR.... but I have sense ran into on my search another Doctor .. Whom I wont mention here out of respect for Dr. berger of coarse , but my problem is I am just not sure who to go with it this is driving me CRAZY!!!! .. can anyone possibly give me some insight or advice?... its not just a price thing either I am thinking of my Safety and health also , like one of my questions is if something was to happen out of the ordinary while getting the TR and an emergency occurred how would that be handled? is there an emergency room or area at Chapel Hill?
Thanks SOOO much For all the Insight that I can get.. I need this info kind of soon. as our funds will be coming threw soon!!
Dana W From Ohio.
Posted by alwayshope June 09, 2009 04:43 PM:
I can understand your concern but there is a hospital very close if anything were to happen but I had my done on the 29th of May and I do have heart problems and they just had me get some test done to make sure that I was cleared t have surgery and they can handle most things and I will tell you as a nursing student and working in the medical field for 13 years I freak my self out by knowing a little too much but he and his staff are very knowledgeable about what they do and I trusted them 100 percent.....but at the end of the day go with whom ever you feel confident with I hope this helped soon best of luck to you in your TR journey. Miasha
Posted by AngieMP June 09, 2009 05:34 PM:
I believe they mentioned on the off chance that should something unexpected come up, that you would be transported to a nearby hospital. I am thinking, but don't quote me, that I was told that it only happened like 3 times in 08, and it was done for precautionary measures, not serious issues. You will be asked about your health history and anything of concern would have to be addressed before you have surgery. We traveled to NC (18 hours from home) and had complete trust in CHTRC. I would not have done it any other way. We loved the experience and would do it all over again! (yes, I really mean that)![[Big Grin]](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_ue3a7k1EntNaL1sRyz1h8RKQt6-bylKZ88WwtMDGaIu6gT3EzLeIuqiqNnf4Q97xBaNFI-5edTNzxn8F8yEYZTB3qShuu0A1kZSsw8K3V5K60utg=s0-d)
Posted by StephSH June 09, 2009 05:55 PM:
Hi Dana,
I too looked at other websites in my search for the right Dr for my TR, and I'm from Southern Ohio, so there was one in particular that was MUCH closer to me than NC is.
The deciding factor for me was mostly the websites. I know that seems stupid, but I decided based that the professionalism put forward in Chapel Hill's website was a good way to judge the professionalism of the practice and staff in general. I found the other website to be childish, unprofessional and it spent more time saying why you should NOT go to someone else than just simply stating why you SHOULD go to them.
Chapel Hill didn't even hint that they had any "competition" they simply state their business, and their website is classy.
Not sure if that helps, but that is how I made MY decision :-)
Steph
Posted by cindy0714 June 09, 2009 06:00 PM:
I struggles a little bit trying to decide who to use. I have a doctor right here where I live that specializes in TR. My heart kept pulling me toward Chapel Hill so I went with it. I used Dr. Monteith and 2 months after surgery I was pregnant. I am now 11 weeks. I promise you will not receive the kind of patient care Chapel offers anywhere else. That I am sure of.
Posted by 1forhubby&me June 09, 2009 06:11 PM:
Dana,
I also looked at other sites and decided on Chapel Hill because the "other doctor" had more negativity about everyone else and could not prove to me that he was worth the time. As for Dr Berger and staff they are always professional and willing to answer questions no matter how silly they may seem. The decision is ultimately yours if you are uneasy about anything just call and speak to the staff. Good luck on your decision and I'll keep you in my prayers. I'm scheduled for next week so I'll let you know about how I felt being face to face with everyone but looking at the posts and the conversation confirming my appointment today, I look forward to a great experience.
Tee
Posted by darkfeary474 June 09, 2009 07:01 PM:
Thanks for all of your opinions ladies!!! it is much appreciated.
And StephSH You Make ALLOT Of Valid Points about the "Other Site" I never looked at it from that point of view but you are completely right! .. Have You had any luck conceiving yet sense getting your TR?
Dana W From Ohio.
Posted by ismagirl June 09, 2009 07:02 PM:
Dana
I too am from Ohio (columbus)
I looked at rate my md dot com and they had very good comments one negative but it was directed to a nurse specifically and not to the doctors or chapel hill. and as you know being human you can't please everyone all the time. I went to Chapel Hill because God lead me there, plain and simple it was Gods will. I had my tr in Dec 08 and am now 6wks preggo saw heartbeat today.
Ireally think that you already want to go with chapel hill cause you are asking ladies who have nothing but good to say about them.
Ihope that no matter what you go with that all is well for you and that you follow your heart.
Shawna
Posted by StephSH June 09, 2009 08:00 PM:
Dana,
I got one BFP the second cycle after my TR but it ended in MC about a week after I found out I was pregnant. Haven't gotten another BFP since then, but I'm starting Clomid this month, both tubes are open, and I have very regular cycles, so I'm hoping that it will happen soon. I have short tubes, 3.5 on each side and that is probably what's causing the delay.
What part of Ohio are you in? I'm in Western Ross Co.
Posted by pkubes68 June 09, 2009 08:11 PM:
darkfeary474
CH told me IF you needed some kind of ER care you would be transported to The University of North Carolina Medical Center (hospital). It isn't likely but they do let you know just in case.
When I found CH on the internet I just knew that was the place to go. I'm so glad I did and I have no regrets. Go with your gut instinct. Good Luck.
Posted by Julia, RN June 09, 2009 10:02 PM:
Thanks to each of you for the helpful posts (and very nice comments)! In the unlikely event a patient needs hospitalization, we do have a transfer agreement with The University of North Carolina Hospitals approximately 1 mile from our facility. Dr. Berger and Dr. Monteith have both been on staff there, so we have a nice relationship...if needed. All of our nurses are ACLS (advanced cardiac life support) certified and we have only board certified MD's. As some of you know based on the testing we have asked for pre-operatively, we err on the side of caution and have policies and procedures in place to ensure patient safety. This occasionally means that additional testing - or a delay in surgery - is required, but it is based on our commitment to safe and professional care.
Please let us know if you have questions!
Julia S., RN
Posted by darkfeary474 June 09, 2009 10:31 PM:
Thanks Steph Again . and sorry to here about your MC, I hope the clomid helps ya!
Also Thank You Julia for your info on - just in case there is an emergency , wow I didn't realize that the hospital was only 1 mile away from CHTRC that in itself sets my mind at ease,
I do not have any kind of major medical problems so that shouldn't be a problem the only problem I do have which isn't to much of a problem now is, I am a Type 2 Diabetic but have my Diabetes under complete control with an A1C level of 5.3 which my Doctor told me is at Non-Diabetic Levels!!!! Whoohooo... I have worked hard to get where I am at right now and in turn have also lost 66pounds in the process![[Embarrassed]](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_vcse87ojg6xZPb66Zu3yw3pnAJ3VOvv8sIORQpf2-YC3-wyFZv2Bc5vHiDvtWlMKMwd4gowygECmaXwCxFHcr7kd2-zXm6-BcpnSeR66YNW98c=s0-d)
).. the only medication I am taking right now is Metformin.
As of now my husband and I have talked over and it looks like we will be going with Dr. Berger for my TR!.... so I will be getting in contact and finding out what is left for me to do.. )
Thanks Again!!!!
Dana
Posted by darkfeary474 June 09, 2009 10:32 PM:
Thanks Steph Again . and sorry to here about your MC, I hope the clomid helps ya!
Also Thank You Julia for your info on - just in case there is an emergency , wow I didn't realize that the hospital was only 1 mile away from CHTRC that in itself sets my mind at ease,
I do not have any kind of major medical problems so that shouldn't be a problem the only problem I do have which isn't to much of a problem now is, I am a Type 2 Diabetic but have my Diabetes under complete control with an A1C level of 5.3 which my Doctor told me is at Non-Diabetic Levels!!!! Whoohooo... I have worked hard to get where I am at right now and in turn have also lost 66pounds in the process![[Smile]](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_vIAhLksvGZ4C8a7_5hxmoYlaRPFe2Pwela0pKPl0-S6awTiwbHMY3TvhXOx-P95KaZje3hbF1Ei9LUADQ9AG_k5ortve58EQszpVS5-IP2Dg=s0-d)
.. the only medication I am taking right now is Metformin.
As of now my husband and I have talked over and it looks like we will be going with Dr. Berger for my TR!.... so I will be getting in contact and finding out what is left for me to do..
Thanks Again!!!!
Dana
Posted by TulipGarden June 10, 2009 12:01 AM:
Dana,
I had my surgery on June 4, 2009. All I can tell you is that we traveled half way across the country, and it was well worth it. I don't think I have ever gone into surgery and felt more comfortable. They are a terrific group of people.
What steered us was the fact that Dr. Berger has a long standing history of focusing just on TR; we did not want someone who was going to try to push us into IVF. I could have gone to someone here right in town and it cost much more, but they only perform 3 or 4 a month. Dr. Berger's credentials are impressive and he specializes in TR. Once I met with Dr. B I felt confident in choosing him, he answered my questions very thoroughly and was open to any and all questions. He was realistic, and I appreciate that more than anything. I can tell he intelligent but yet willing to explain it understandable terms. As far as my surgery, I liked the fact that I went into surgery a little later than anticipated because this meant that Dr. B took his time with the patient before me, which in turn assured me that when it came my turn that Dr. Berger would also give me the same care and attention, and he did just that. Dr. Monteith caught my eye with practicing in high-risk OB. I guess because I am considered high risk. While I chose Dr. B, I have heard many great things about Dr. M.
This is what my husband said: Marc liked that Dr. Berger is straight forward, logical, professional, and has excellent knowledge about his specialty. He liked that Dr. Berger takes good care of himself, and while you should’t judge by looks, it shows that his character exudes some type of concern and determination that most likely carries over into his work. And I agree, Dr. Berger is a very handsome man. But that is not what made me comfortable lol!
Regarding the staff, if I haven’t said it a million times, it's true what everyone says. They work so well together as a team. They made me smile, and feel so comfortable. The anesthesiologists made me feel comfortable also. They asked questions that made me feel confident that they knew what they were doing. Goodness, even the receptionists made me feel comfortable.
I never worried for a moment there would be a situation in which I would’t be taken care of if there was an emergency, but I also attributed that to my husband whom I trust. My husband is intelligent and on high alert when it comes to my well-being. In my state of consciousness I know that my husband would not allow me to be in any type of sub-standard situation.
Even if we are never able to conceive, without a doubt, we picked the best surgeon to give us the very best chance. I do not regret it for a moment.
HTH. Lots of luck to you and your journey.
Cindy & Marc
Posted by BearsGirl June 10, 2009 12:30 AM:
I am going through the same thoughts also. When I first started my journey for a TR I thought about Chapel Hill for sure. I do have a TR Dr. right here in my town but it was the site and the communication here at Chapel Hill that attracted me. The care that is taken to give responses is just wonderful. I have a couple of months to do some soul searching and will be ready for TR. I believe my choice will be Chapel Hill though!
Posted by purplelisa12 June 10, 2009 08:55 AM:
I agree with TulipGarden,
I'm always the one who "shops around" but kept coming back to Chapel Hill. It was a matter of who has been doing "ONLY TUBAL REVERSALS" for me. At my age etc, if I was really going to do this I wanted "the best" and I found that to be Dr. Berger. I too must admit that the website and all the info they share as well as having this very board was also a deciding factor for me. It just feels more like a "home" for us who decide this is the journey we want to take. Where there is support, there is knowledge. And I think in this journey we all need as much knowledge as possible. The staff are great and very caring. Dr. Berger is "yes, handsome" but very professional, and I felt like he cared about each of us that day. So you will ultimately have to decide what's best for you. But if you do choose Chapel Hill and Dr. Berger you will NOT be sorry.
Posted by AnitaA68 June 10, 2009 09:11 AM:
I called clinics and doctors in my area that performed TRs. I had a list of questions including how many performed, costs, success and website availability.
What I found was very few did as many as CH, the cost was less at CH, the others didn't keep records of pregnancies, and they had no web site.
I feel that since CH specializes in TR, they would be better than someone who did them only a couple of times a year. I also liked being able to see statistics and be in contact with people who were sharing my experience.
From vervilledeb1.vox.com When choosing the right tubal reversal surgeon, patients prefer to choose the surgeon who is more involved with them and not the competition. Women are opting for tubal reversal surgery to have a child and are not concerned with websites that are there for bashing other physicians. They are choosing to be well informed and make an educated decision. Many couples have made the final decision and that is to proceed with tubal reversal surgery. After many hours of searching information and reading the moment has arrived to choose the right surgeon that will fit your needs and provide the surgery with the results you are looking for.
This is topic Need Help Making a Choice-PLEASE.. in forum Preparing for Tubal Reversal at Tubal Reversal Message Board.
Posted by darkfeary474 June 09, 2009 04:34 PM:
Hi Ladies!!!
I know it has been a long time sense I have posted on here and I am sorry for that!!!... but I am still on my journey to get my TR done, It's just with the research that I have been doing I am just not sure as to what direction I want to go,.... here is my problem.. - when I first started my search for a TR doctor, Dr. Berger was the first Doctor that I ran into on the net and he has already seen my post-Op report and said that I am a good candidate for the TR.... but I have sense ran into on my search another Doctor .. Whom I wont mention here out of respect for Dr. berger of coarse , but my problem is I am just not sure who to go with it this is driving me CRAZY!!!! .. can anyone possibly give me some insight or advice?... its not just a price thing either I am thinking of my Safety and health also , like one of my questions is if something was to happen out of the ordinary while getting the TR and an emergency occurred how would that be handled? is there an emergency room or area at Chapel Hill?
Thanks SOOO much For all the Insight that I can get.. I need this info kind of soon. as our funds will be coming threw soon!!
Dana W From Ohio.
Posted by alwayshope June 09, 2009 04:43 PM:
I can understand your concern but there is a hospital very close if anything were to happen but I had my done on the 29th of May and I do have heart problems and they just had me get some test done to make sure that I was cleared t have surgery and they can handle most things and I will tell you as a nursing student and working in the medical field for 13 years I freak my self out by knowing a little too much but he and his staff are very knowledgeable about what they do and I trusted them 100 percent.....but at the end of the day go with whom ever you feel confident with I hope this helped soon best of luck to you in your TR journey. Miasha
Posted by AngieMP June 09, 2009 05:34 PM:
I believe they mentioned on the off chance that should something unexpected come up, that you would be transported to a nearby hospital. I am thinking, but don't quote me, that I was told that it only happened like 3 times in 08, and it was done for precautionary measures, not serious issues. You will be asked about your health history and anything of concern would have to be addressed before you have surgery. We traveled to NC (18 hours from home) and had complete trust in CHTRC. I would not have done it any other way. We loved the experience and would do it all over again! (yes, I really mean that)
Posted by StephSH June 09, 2009 05:55 PM:
Hi Dana,
I too looked at other websites in my search for the right Dr for my TR, and I'm from Southern Ohio, so there was one in particular that was MUCH closer to me than NC is.
The deciding factor for me was mostly the websites. I know that seems stupid, but I decided based that the professionalism put forward in Chapel Hill's website was a good way to judge the professionalism of the practice and staff in general. I found the other website to be childish, unprofessional and it spent more time saying why you should NOT go to someone else than just simply stating why you SHOULD go to them.
Chapel Hill didn't even hint that they had any "competition" they simply state their business, and their website is classy.
Not sure if that helps, but that is how I made MY decision :-)
Steph
Posted by cindy0714 June 09, 2009 06:00 PM:
I struggles a little bit trying to decide who to use. I have a doctor right here where I live that specializes in TR. My heart kept pulling me toward Chapel Hill so I went with it. I used Dr. Monteith and 2 months after surgery I was pregnant. I am now 11 weeks. I promise you will not receive the kind of patient care Chapel offers anywhere else. That I am sure of.
Posted by 1forhubby&me June 09, 2009 06:11 PM:
Dana,
I also looked at other sites and decided on Chapel Hill because the "other doctor" had more negativity about everyone else and could not prove to me that he was worth the time. As for Dr Berger and staff they are always professional and willing to answer questions no matter how silly they may seem. The decision is ultimately yours if you are uneasy about anything just call and speak to the staff. Good luck on your decision and I'll keep you in my prayers. I'm scheduled for next week so I'll let you know about how I felt being face to face with everyone but looking at the posts and the conversation confirming my appointment today, I look forward to a great experience.
Tee
Posted by darkfeary474 June 09, 2009 07:01 PM:
Thanks for all of your opinions ladies!!! it is much appreciated.
And StephSH You Make ALLOT Of Valid Points about the "Other Site" I never looked at it from that point of view but you are completely right! .. Have You had any luck conceiving yet sense getting your TR?
Dana W From Ohio.
Posted by ismagirl June 09, 2009 07:02 PM:
Dana
I too am from Ohio (columbus)
I looked at rate my md dot com and they had very good comments one negative but it was directed to a nurse specifically and not to the doctors or chapel hill. and as you know being human you can't please everyone all the time. I went to Chapel Hill because God lead me there, plain and simple it was Gods will. I had my tr in Dec 08 and am now 6wks preggo saw heartbeat today.
Ireally think that you already want to go with chapel hill cause you are asking ladies who have nothing but good to say about them.
Ihope that no matter what you go with that all is well for you and that you follow your heart.
Shawna
Posted by StephSH June 09, 2009 08:00 PM:
Dana,
I got one BFP the second cycle after my TR but it ended in MC about a week after I found out I was pregnant. Haven't gotten another BFP since then, but I'm starting Clomid this month, both tubes are open, and I have very regular cycles, so I'm hoping that it will happen soon. I have short tubes, 3.5 on each side and that is probably what's causing the delay.
What part of Ohio are you in? I'm in Western Ross Co.
Posted by pkubes68 June 09, 2009 08:11 PM:
darkfeary474
CH told me IF you needed some kind of ER care you would be transported to The University of North Carolina Medical Center (hospital). It isn't likely but they do let you know just in case.
When I found CH on the internet I just knew that was the place to go. I'm so glad I did and I have no regrets. Go with your gut instinct. Good Luck.
Posted by Julia, RN June 09, 2009 10:02 PM:
Thanks to each of you for the helpful posts (and very nice comments)! In the unlikely event a patient needs hospitalization, we do have a transfer agreement with The University of North Carolina Hospitals approximately 1 mile from our facility. Dr. Berger and Dr. Monteith have both been on staff there, so we have a nice relationship...if needed. All of our nurses are ACLS (advanced cardiac life support) certified and we have only board certified MD's. As some of you know based on the testing we have asked for pre-operatively, we err on the side of caution and have policies and procedures in place to ensure patient safety. This occasionally means that additional testing - or a delay in surgery - is required, but it is based on our commitment to safe and professional care.
Please let us know if you have questions!
Julia S., RN
Posted by darkfeary474 June 09, 2009 10:31 PM:
Thanks Steph Again . and sorry to here about your MC, I hope the clomid helps ya!
Also Thank You Julia for your info on - just in case there is an emergency , wow I didn't realize that the hospital was only 1 mile away from CHTRC that in itself sets my mind at ease,
I do not have any kind of major medical problems so that shouldn't be a problem the only problem I do have which isn't to much of a problem now is, I am a Type 2 Diabetic but have my Diabetes under complete control with an A1C level of 5.3 which my Doctor told me is at Non-Diabetic Levels!!!! Whoohooo... I have worked hard to get where I am at right now and in turn have also lost 66pounds in the process
).. the only medication I am taking right now is Metformin.As of now my husband and I have talked over and it looks like we will be going with Dr. Berger for my TR!.... so I will be getting in contact and finding out what is left for me to do..
)Thanks Again!!!!
Dana
Posted by darkfeary474 June 09, 2009 10:32 PM:
Thanks Steph Again . and sorry to here about your MC, I hope the clomid helps ya!
Also Thank You Julia for your info on - just in case there is an emergency , wow I didn't realize that the hospital was only 1 mile away from CHTRC that in itself sets my mind at ease,
I do not have any kind of major medical problems so that shouldn't be a problem the only problem I do have which isn't to much of a problem now is, I am a Type 2 Diabetic but have my Diabetes under complete control with an A1C level of 5.3 which my Doctor told me is at Non-Diabetic Levels!!!! Whoohooo... I have worked hard to get where I am at right now and in turn have also lost 66pounds in the process
.. the only medication I am taking right now is Metformin.As of now my husband and I have talked over and it looks like we will be going with Dr. Berger for my TR!.... so I will be getting in contact and finding out what is left for me to do..
Thanks Again!!!!
Dana
Posted by TulipGarden June 10, 2009 12:01 AM:
Dana,
I had my surgery on June 4, 2009. All I can tell you is that we traveled half way across the country, and it was well worth it. I don't think I have ever gone into surgery and felt more comfortable. They are a terrific group of people.
What steered us was the fact that Dr. Berger has a long standing history of focusing just on TR; we did not want someone who was going to try to push us into IVF. I could have gone to someone here right in town and it cost much more, but they only perform 3 or 4 a month. Dr. Berger's credentials are impressive and he specializes in TR. Once I met with Dr. B I felt confident in choosing him, he answered my questions very thoroughly and was open to any and all questions. He was realistic, and I appreciate that more than anything. I can tell he intelligent but yet willing to explain it understandable terms. As far as my surgery, I liked the fact that I went into surgery a little later than anticipated because this meant that Dr. B took his time with the patient before me, which in turn assured me that when it came my turn that Dr. Berger would also give me the same care and attention, and he did just that. Dr. Monteith caught my eye with practicing in high-risk OB. I guess because I am considered high risk. While I chose Dr. B, I have heard many great things about Dr. M.
This is what my husband said: Marc liked that Dr. Berger is straight forward, logical, professional, and has excellent knowledge about his specialty. He liked that Dr. Berger takes good care of himself, and while you should’t judge by looks, it shows that his character exudes some type of concern and determination that most likely carries over into his work. And I agree, Dr. Berger is a very handsome man. But that is not what made me comfortable lol!
Regarding the staff, if I haven’t said it a million times, it's true what everyone says. They work so well together as a team. They made me smile, and feel so comfortable. The anesthesiologists made me feel comfortable also. They asked questions that made me feel confident that they knew what they were doing. Goodness, even the receptionists made me feel comfortable.
I never worried for a moment there would be a situation in which I would’t be taken care of if there was an emergency, but I also attributed that to my husband whom I trust. My husband is intelligent and on high alert when it comes to my well-being. In my state of consciousness I know that my husband would not allow me to be in any type of sub-standard situation.
Even if we are never able to conceive, without a doubt, we picked the best surgeon to give us the very best chance. I do not regret it for a moment.
HTH. Lots of luck to you and your journey.
Cindy & Marc
Posted by BearsGirl June 10, 2009 12:30 AM:
I am going through the same thoughts also. When I first started my journey for a TR I thought about Chapel Hill for sure. I do have a TR Dr. right here in my town but it was the site and the communication here at Chapel Hill that attracted me. The care that is taken to give responses is just wonderful. I have a couple of months to do some soul searching and will be ready for TR. I believe my choice will be Chapel Hill though!
Posted by purplelisa12 June 10, 2009 08:55 AM:
I agree with TulipGarden,
I'm always the one who "shops around" but kept coming back to Chapel Hill. It was a matter of who has been doing "ONLY TUBAL REVERSALS" for me. At my age etc, if I was really going to do this I wanted "the best" and I found that to be Dr. Berger. I too must admit that the website and all the info they share as well as having this very board was also a deciding factor for me. It just feels more like a "home" for us who decide this is the journey we want to take. Where there is support, there is knowledge. And I think in this journey we all need as much knowledge as possible. The staff are great and very caring. Dr. Berger is "yes, handsome" but very professional, and I felt like he cared about each of us that day. So you will ultimately have to decide what's best for you. But if you do choose Chapel Hill and Dr. Berger you will NOT be sorry.
Posted by AnitaA68 June 10, 2009 09:11 AM:
I called clinics and doctors in my area that performed TRs. I had a list of questions including how many performed, costs, success and website availability.
What I found was very few did as many as CH, the cost was less at CH, the others didn't keep records of pregnancies, and they had no web site.
I feel that since CH specializes in TR, they would be better than someone who did them only a couple of times a year. I also liked being able to see statistics and be in contact with people who were sharing my experience.
From vervilledeb1.vox.com When choosing the right tubal reversal surgeon, patients prefer to choose the surgeon who is more involved with them and not the competition. Women are opting for tubal reversal surgery to have a child and are not concerned with websites that are there for bashing other physicians. They are choosing to be well informed and make an educated decision. Many couples have made the final decision and that is to proceed with tubal reversal surgery. After many hours of searching information and reading the moment has arrived to choose the right surgeon that will fit your needs and provide the surgery with the results you are looking for.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Guilt And Regret Over Having Tied Tubes
Tubal Reversal surgery offers a chance for women who have changed their minds and desire more children after having their tubes tied. The message board at Chapel Hill Tubal Reversal Center offers women a place to share their feelings and receive support from others who are experiencing feelings of regret or guilt over their decision to have their tubes tied. Fortunately, Dr. Gary Berger and Dr. Charles Monteith offer a low-cost, outpatient procedure that has given thousands of women the chance to restore their fertility and have more children as well as help in finding relief from unpleasant symptoms developed after undergoing tubal ligation.
This is topic Guilt and regret after tubal ligation in forum After Tubal Reversal at Tubal Reversal Message Board.
Posted by Dr. Monteith (Member # 11996) on September 24, 2008 09:21 AM:
Our new blog discusses common reasons patients have shared with us as to why they have regretted their tubal ligation: Guilt or regret after tubes tied Please share your story on the message board if you have had such an experience.
Posted by MyAngel112706 (Member # 12279) on September 24, 2008 10:58 AM:
I very much regret My TL. Nine short months after my TL my DD so sadly passed away. We were devastated. I thought when I had the TL done I was making the right decision because my family was complete because I had my 2 boys and now my little girl. I regret that decision now more than anything but I have corrected that decision with my TR in march of this year. I have not had a BFP as of yet but I have time, I am only 30. I feel it will happen when my mind and my body is ready. Thanks so much.
Posted by Brandon, ST (Member # 9908) on September 24, 2008 10:59 AM:
This should be a very interesting thread. I would be interested to see how many people have come to their decision of having a tubal ligation reversal.
Brandon,ST
Posted by Flutist29 (Member # 12785) on September 24, 2008 11:29 AM:
I strongly regret having my TL. At the time, I experienced a troublesome pregnancy and my OB at that time, scared me into having more children. I don't know why I listened to her, but I did. Now 3.5 years later, I am scheduled for my reversal on 10/8/08. I am looking forward to having 'normal' cycles again and praying that if it is God's will, we will get pregnant again.
Posted by MOMZILLA (Member # 12256) on September 24, 2008 11:39 AM:
If I had to do it all over again I would never have the TL. I could have saved myself 3 years of PTLS misery, angst, doctor visits and the near collapse of my marriage....I am so grateful the the TR has resolved all my symptoms and given me my life back..I tell everyone who mentions it not to have a TL or to give it serious consideration (understanding the potential physical complications before they do it). Tracy
Posted by albmdb (Member # 12062) on September 24, 2008 11:44 AM:
I had tl in 12/98 after the birth of my son. No problems durning preg, however my husband then was very abusive, mental,physical,emotional. I really wanted more kids later on but not with him, so i had tl. yes i really regreted but i always thought i would never be able to get away from him so that is why i had tl done, before my son turn 1year old he left me for a much younger girl, she was 18 and i was 21 with 2 kids, she had none. that was my chance to move away, i did and got my life changed and met the man of my dreams, he had no kids and always treated my kids as his own. we dated 3 years and then i finally married him in 2003. I am so happy and so are my children, my children have not seen there real father and they dont care too. They are only 9 and 12. So now i have tr and we are trying for a baby and my children are so happy, they both said they cant wait to be the big brother/sister.We also talked to them before we had the tr done and they was please to know mom could have a new baby some day.
My tr was 4/7/08 and no bfp yet and my cycles have been way off, around 38 to 40 days.
SO yes i really regreted doing tl.
Posted by HisWill (Member # 12511) on September 24, 2008 12:00 PM:
What is interesting to me, is that often the association between guilt and symptoms is used to explain physiological symptoms following TL. When I first began having bad symptoms, very soon after TL, I didn't even regret the decision yet. I was convinced it was "for the best". My symptoms went on for months and months, until I began praying and crying about what I had done... So, my question (and I've answered this for myself on a personal/spiritual level) was did the symptoms CAUSE me to begin to realize and regret what I had done, since they came first? My TL was necessary to change my heart to understand what God had given me, and that what I had done (for me and my family) was wrong! I decided on the TL absent of my faith in God, and against my husband and doc's recommendations! So, once I realized what I had done, and that it would cost my family 7k for a trip to repair it, it hit me very hard. I'm thankful I had the TL because through it, I learned that large families, and children in general are the tool that God is using in me to mold me to what He wants me to be...had I not had it, I would be pregnant another time or two, and maybe I would view these additional children as blessings but burdensome, since my heart needed the change in many ways to ensure that my faith was complete. **Oh, and to touch on the blog, no pastor told me that my TL was "against God's will". This was something very personal between me, God and my husband. No pastor is in our bedroom-only Christ dwells there. I'm not religious, so it isn't about "rules" of do's and dont's. I'm saved by Christ, so for me, it was about the Holy Spirit working in a way to change my heart about this particular subject, just as He has in other ways-no rules. I don't believe you have to have lots of kids to be a Christian! If we never had another, I know my heart and so does God..this is a personal heart change of faith.** Blessings, Andrea
Posted by Jennifer K. (Member # 7884) on September 24, 2008 12:14 PM:
I may be unique in that I don't regret having my TL. At the time it was the right decision for me and I had no way of knowing how my life would change. I am grateful that I found CH and Dr. Berger who was able to give me what I needed when it came to the TR. I now have a beautiful daughter and I know that everything that came before, including my TL and TR, was so I could eventually have her in my life. Jenn
Posted by HisWill (Member # 12511) on September 24, 2008 12:20 PM:
I love your perspective JenniferK! That's exactly how I feel. Of course, I do wish I would have fully considered it with prayer before hand...but I do believe we must often go through bad things to open our eyes or to end up where we need to be!God Bless and congrats on having the baby you so wanted! Andrea
Posted by RebeccaJ (Member # 12216) on September 24, 2008 12:26 PM:
I had my tl right after my dd was born nearly 13 years ago. I didn't regret it at first, but within a year and our situation changed, then I regretted it.
We had the tl for financial reasons and very selfish reasons on my part. I smoked and could not take birth control and I was not aware of other methods, (shot etc.) until after the fact. (I have quit smoking since this time) I was also pressured by my mother and husband who informed me that four was enough.
In addition, I had lost a baby just prior to conceiving my dd. My husband was worried something would happen to me.
The sad part was, I was only 32 years old. I am now 45, had my tr this past July. If God blesses us then we are open to a blessing, if our time came and went then at least I will be relieved of my post ligation symptoms. I watched my sister get her tubal a few months after I had my daughter, (she had to have an emergency c-section and they let me go in with her). If you ever see this, you would never get a tl. God Bless Rebecca
TR 07/28/08
Posted by Amy1234 (Member # 5192) on September 24, 2008 01:02 PM:
Mine was a divorce and remarriage to a man with no children that got me searching the net. We have one together and are ttc #2, then I will have another tl. I am so glad we had tr as an option to allow us to complete our family together. Amy
TR Baby 5/31/07
TR #2...hopefully soon
Posted by in-Gods-hands (Member # 11795) on September 24, 2008 02:00 PM:
I had regret not long after because my body started acting up.I wanted something done before I even meet my now husband.My TL was done when I had a c-section with my last child.At the time and being with my first husband having no more children was the right thing. If I had not felt so bad I would not have thought about a TR. I am now remarried to a great man with no children of his own. But I will tell any that even if I never get blessed with another child, doing away with PTLS was wroth it all to me. I feel like myself again and my DH loves it because we get out more and have fun now. Before I felt to bad through out my cycle to where I did not even want to leave the house. Miranda
Posted by Flutist29 (Member # 12785) on September 24, 2008 02:09 PM:
I agree with the PTLS! My experience has been horrible since my TL. My poor DH has had to see me be in pain and deal with ME during it all for the last 3.5 years. I'm looking forward to relief myself. Getting pregnant is a desire, but we are turning that over to God.
Posted by Tanya from VA (Member # 9507) on September 24, 2008 02:44 PM:
My situation is a bit different than many here, but similar as well. I had my TL in 2000 after the birth of my second child. My dh and I were both working-full time outside the home, and finances were as crunched as they can be. We had one of each, and we were saving for our first single-family home. Neither of us liked birth control much - as married people we just found it tedious and unnecessary so we opted for the TL. We never could have forseen the time when finances changed, and original desire I had for three children would be become within our means both financially and being able to be at home full-time. I had moments of deep regret but mostly because other circumstances made our decision vs. us making it because we were complete. I didn't have daily regrets, I was not emotionally wrecked - just a longing and the occasional ache for something that I knew couldn't be. When I found CH - it was a dream come true. I'd never even heard of having it reversed! I couldn't get there fast enough. It didn't take long, and we were in CH getting it done. And while we had some ups and downs (one chemical, one loss at 10 weeks) we eventually welcomed our first TR baby in May 08. During the pg we had many long honest conversations about after and all the factors: the long emotional journey ttc, our ages, the age differences in our children - we agreed our family was going to be complete. There were some medical concerns but those aside - I would have re-ligated my tubes anyway. I'm 37 next month, I have three children and my life is very full. I know my limitations, and with the tools we have - we can raise these three within our means, still save, still enjoy our lives and give our children as much as we can. I have no regrets NOW, but I've never experienced PTLS or any other physical issues. After my first ligation I would get teary on occasion watching A Baby Story or seeing a pregnant lady, now I'm so over baby stuff it's a 180 change. Like everyone - I'm eternally grateful to CH for helping us have another child and completing our family. But I always expected to have my tubes re-tied - and have no regret at all. BFP's to all!
Posted by Kathy, ST (Member # 8285) on September 25, 2008 08:03 AM:
The expression of emotion from each of these stories creates a great support system for those women with this shared experience, whether it be tubal ligation, tubal reversal or both.
Kathy
Posted by in-Gods-hands (Member # 11795) on September 25, 2008 08:19 AM:
Flutist29 I know what you mean. I saw your big day is October the 8th. That is my birthday. I will truly be thinking of you on that day and saying prayers for you. I wish you all the best. It is funny too that we both live in NC. Tanya from VA your story is a great one that reminds us we never know how things will go. I wish you all the best. Miranda
ME-27
DH-22
DS-8
DD-4
TR-3/24/08
Posted by Eric'sGirl (Member # 10652) on September 25, 2008 10:31 AM:
Jennifer K... kudos to you for such a positive spin on the situation. Mine - a story that has been and will be told (UNFORTUNATELY) time and time again. A bad, abusive relationship... two babies back to back (blessed with a girl and a boy) and knowing I was leaving "some day" - couldn't risk another pregnancy. Dr. was going to do clips because I was so young. I said he had to do the "traditional" cut and burn... or I would catch hell at home for having something "removable." It could only mean I was planning to leave and start over again someday. TL Dr. went above and beyond the call of duty on that one! But Dr. B to the rescue! He pulled off some fancy work in there! No regrets, NOW! Through it all, I have meet some of the most amazing people: a doctor and a staff unparalleled any where on this planet, an amazing support group of women I will never meet and my October '07 girls... some of the best friends a girl could want. So, Jennifer K, I have come to your way of thinking. It all happens for a reason. One year TR anniversary is coming up... still no Berger Baby - yet, my life has been blessed one thousand times over by this whole journey! Thank you CHTRC staff! Chrissy
Posted by justnotme (Member # 12842) on September 25, 2008 11:11 AM:
I also now regret having a TL. I had mine 18 months ago after the birth of my 2nd child. We were blessed with a DS and DD and felt that no matter what anyways 2 children were enough for me. I had the TL because I as well did not want to have to deal with BC pills etc and figured I was having a repeat c/s so I would do then. Another factor was my age. I was 37 when I had my DD and thought gosh, I don't want to be having another one later on in life. So, after discussion with my OB about PTLS (I did research before my TL and stumbled across this website but didn\'t't really fully understand because of course I had not had it done yet) she informed me that it did not exist. Sooo, had it done. I didn't get my first AF until 6 months after my DD due to breastfeeding, but let me tell you it was a doozie!! I had never experienced something like that before. I just thought, oh well it's the first one post partum and dealt with it. Then I started noticing many more symptoms each month. So, I went searching again on the web and ended up here again. It has come full circle. PTLS does exist and that is why I am having the TR. To add to HisWill questioning whether the guilt or symptoms brought on the regret. For me it was the symptoms then the regret came. After reading about PTLS and it's affects on women, I then felt really BROKEN. I am now not only on a quest to feel better but to feel whole. I have a lot of faith in GOD and definitely feel like He led me back here so I need to do what I know in my heart I need to do. Not only for me but the health and well being of my family. My TR is scheduled for Oct 29th and I am sooooo excited to have it done. I am so glad the we have the Dr.s and staff at CH to help us all heal for whatever reasons we did this for. Thank you all for letting me share my story with you and I enjoyed reading all of yours. Lisa
Posted by HisWill (Member # 12511) on September 25, 2008 11:24 AM:
Lisa that's a great story. I pray the very best for you! I agree with you about symptoms first helping to lead to a feeling of being broken. It bothers me when the reverse is associated...like because we are sad we can't have children, suddenly our bodies are sick. I didn't even REALIZE I had regret until the symptoms of PTLS kept bludgeoning me. God Bless! Andrea
Posted by gotthebabybug (Member # 12913) on September 25, 2008 11:37 AM:
I want to share my experience with TL. I had 2 little ones and divorced my husband. It was a bad situation and I had to get out of that home. I was 14 hours away from family and wanted to stay in the area because of the children. Even if me and their father didn't get along it was no excuse for moving across the country. I stayed and ex remarried and our relationship changed. I actually consider his wife one of my closest friends, strange I know. So that leads my to baby number three. I started a relationship with a co worker big mistake. We eventually moved in together and I thought everything was peachy. He had a daughter from a previous marriage and he just adored her. I mean I never saw a man just love a child so much. He was also good with my boys, taking them out fishing all the time. A year into the relationship we discussed having a child of our own. Well the mere thought of it and bingo bango I was PG. Morning sickness was horrible and a month or 2 into it he tells me he is leaving and he wants me to have an abortion. My ex and his wife took me and the boys in for awhile because I was so sick and in shock. I actually had a discussion about abortion because I was just lost and didn't know what to do. Then I thought to hell with him I can do this on my own. He realized that this baby was coming like it or not. We managed to remain friendly and he went to child birth classes with me and was there for delivery. His mom was there too. He wanted baby to have his last name and I agreed not thinking things through - to hormonal. Anyway during the pregnancy I decided that all men were evil and it was best that I not having anymore children. He brought me and baby home from the hospital and never came around again. I called and asked for some help with support and wanting him in her life. He said he would give me $50.00 a month! I was in college and didn't want to take him to court so I agreed. Well he would call me and say I am in the parking lot come and get your money. Not once did he ask to see her. I called one night and asked for a little extra because I was low on diapers. He showed up with a check and stood in front of me and ripped it in half. What a man. I cried I didn't know what I was going to do. He said take me to court if you want the money. So I did and guess what he said it wasn't his. I think he did this to drag out the process. We had to take a paternity test and viola 99.9% his. This was almost a 2 year process. I finally started getting money and he quit his job, go figure. He then said he wanted visitation just to make me miserable not because he wanted anything to do with this child. I was financially comfortable at this point and really didn't need his money. I told him I will drop all child support if you agree to stay away. He didn't want this child and I didn't want her in an environment that was not good for her. She will be 8 next month and DH is the only daddy she has ever known. He would like to do a step parent adoption but I have fear of contacting her biological father. I did actually sit down and talk to her about him a few weeks ago. I have pictures and video of him at the birth and I want her to know about him. Anyway I know this is a long post. I have matured over the years and I had TL for all of the wrong reasons. I regret it and it has been an emotional roller coaster for me. I am grateful to have found this site and look forward to my TR. Going through this has made me a strong woman who will stand up for what is right. I have faith that this will all work out for me and a baby will bless our family. Kim
Posted by KimSmi (Member # 7996) on September 25, 2008 11:43 AM:
Life is a funny journey and it is best not to look back. I am another person who never regretted my TL. I had it when married to my ex and if I hadn't, we might have had more children together. Though I would not trade my kids for the world, it is best that he and I did not have any others together. I had TR in 2005 and we (me and my current DH) gave 2.5 yrs of our lives to TTC. We made a wholehearted effort to have a baby together. Lots of life changes happened in 2.5 years and we decided we did not want to expand the size of our family, so DH had a vasectomy in January this year. Still no regrets. Each choice we've made has been right for that time in life. Best to everyone.
Kim
TL 5/1999
TR 6/2005
DH-V 1/2008
Posted by jessicad (Member # 12914) on September 25, 2008 12:03 PM:
KimSmi - I really enjoyed reading your post and your statement "Life is a funny journey and it is best not to look back." That really says a lot. I too really have no regrets from getting my TL. Granted, now we're considering the possibility of having a TR, but at the time the TL was what we wanted. Maybe we could have chosen a less "permanent" option, but hey! we did what we felt was right. We never know what the future holds for us.
Posted by hpygrl (Member # 12861) on September 25, 2008 12:38 PM:
I chose to have my TL because I was married to an abusive man and could not imagine bringing another child into that.(I would not change having my DS and DD from that relationship though) But at the time I was not sure that I would survive everything that I was going through and my ex was looking for another reason to tie me to relatioship longer...and he thought another child was it. Any way, this could drag out for ever so I will cut it short. I chose to have my TL with no support from him. My sister was by my side the whole time and supported me more than I could have ever imagined. My GYN did try to talk me into something less permanent, but I was afraid my ex would take that as a sign that I may be planning to leave him one day since he all ready knew I did think that us having more children was a good idea. I did not regret my decision at all until I met a wonderful man and he asked me to marry him. He has no children of his own and initially we were fine with the idea of not having children together. Well, now that time has passed and we have both changed our mind about that I have scheduled my TR for Oct. 27. We are looking forward to TTC and will hopefully be bringing a little one into our family soon!
Posted by in-Gods-hands (Member # 11795) on September 25, 2008 12:48 PM:
gotthebabybug
What a touching story. I am so glad to hear that good or bad you have learned to stand up for what is right. The is what truly learning from your life is. My DH would like to adopt my 2 kids as well. But like you I am not ever looking forward to facing my ex about it all.I wish you all the best as you do what is right for your family. Miranda
TR-3/24/08
Posted by gotthebabybug (Member # 12913) on September 25, 2008 01:21 PM:
Its funny how all of the bad things I went through I some how managed to turn into a positive in my life now. At the time I would never have thought I would be in such a good place in my life. I have been blessed. I am a fighter and I always pull myself back to the top. If I don't get the chance to have another baby I will be fine with that. There are other avenues out there you just gotta look.Kim
Posted by in-Gods-hands (Member # 11795) on September 25, 2008 08:05 PM:
Kim that is so true. I tell everyone, "nothing you want in this life is going to come easy". You have to be a fighter. I wish you all the best and will be praying for you. Miranda
Posted by tjsncj (Member # 12135) on September 26, 2008 07:24 PM:
I do not regret my TL either. I was married at 17 had 3 kids by age 22 and had the TL during the c-section of my last baby. I had always wanted only 3 kids plus they said my uterus was thin and shouldn't have any more so I had the TL. Fast forward 17 years later and me ex left us for a snotty biotch. He definetely deserved what you got, she's a peach and makes him sleep in the basement. Two years later I remarried a younger man that had no children. The whole time after the TL I had no desire to have any more children but after I met him that was the only thing I wanted more than anything - giving him a child. Even though I hadn't wanted anymore I couldn't bear to live with myself if I was the reason he never had children. So we decided to have the TR and if it worked then it was meant to be. It apparently was meant to be because I had my TR on 9-7-05 and had a baby boy on 4-28-07. He came 6 weeks early on his daddy's 32nd birthday. It was rough adjusting to a baby again. My other kids were 21, 19 and 16 at the time. Of course they adore him and just seeing the way DH looks at his son makes it all worth it. I had another TL in October 2007 and I have not regretted that TL either. Good luck to all those that are TTCing. Like JenniferK, I think the journney I am on happened for a reason and he is now clomping around the house in his new shoes, dragging his blanket behind him where ever he goes. JoAnn
Posted by melissa29 (Member # 12929) on September 26, 2008 08:33 PM:
hi everyone i got my TL only seven years ago after my forth child and now im remarried and my husband loves my kids like his own but he really would like one of his own.
This is topic Guilt and regret after tubal ligation in forum After Tubal Reversal at Tubal Reversal Message Board.
Posted by Dr. Monteith (Member # 11996) on September 24, 2008 09:21 AM:
Our new blog discusses common reasons patients have shared with us as to why they have regretted their tubal ligation: Guilt or regret after tubes tied Please share your story on the message board if you have had such an experience.
Posted by MyAngel112706 (Member # 12279) on September 24, 2008 10:58 AM:
I very much regret My TL. Nine short months after my TL my DD so sadly passed away. We were devastated. I thought when I had the TL done I was making the right decision because my family was complete because I had my 2 boys and now my little girl. I regret that decision now more than anything but I have corrected that decision with my TR in march of this year. I have not had a BFP as of yet but I have time, I am only 30. I feel it will happen when my mind and my body is ready. Thanks so much.
Posted by Brandon, ST (Member # 9908) on September 24, 2008 10:59 AM:
This should be a very interesting thread. I would be interested to see how many people have come to their decision of having a tubal ligation reversal.
Brandon,ST
Posted by Flutist29 (Member # 12785) on September 24, 2008 11:29 AM:
I strongly regret having my TL. At the time, I experienced a troublesome pregnancy and my OB at that time, scared me into having more children. I don't know why I listened to her, but I did. Now 3.5 years later, I am scheduled for my reversal on 10/8/08. I am looking forward to having 'normal' cycles again and praying that if it is God's will, we will get pregnant again.
Posted by MOMZILLA (Member # 12256) on September 24, 2008 11:39 AM:
If I had to do it all over again I would never have the TL. I could have saved myself 3 years of PTLS misery, angst, doctor visits and the near collapse of my marriage....I am so grateful the the TR has resolved all my symptoms and given me my life back..I tell everyone who mentions it not to have a TL or to give it serious consideration (understanding the potential physical complications before they do it). Tracy
Posted by albmdb (Member # 12062) on September 24, 2008 11:44 AM:
I had tl in 12/98 after the birth of my son. No problems durning preg, however my husband then was very abusive, mental,physical,emotional. I really wanted more kids later on but not with him, so i had tl. yes i really regreted but i always thought i would never be able to get away from him so that is why i had tl done, before my son turn 1year old he left me for a much younger girl, she was 18 and i was 21 with 2 kids, she had none. that was my chance to move away, i did and got my life changed and met the man of my dreams, he had no kids and always treated my kids as his own. we dated 3 years and then i finally married him in 2003. I am so happy and so are my children, my children have not seen there real father and they dont care too. They are only 9 and 12. So now i have tr and we are trying for a baby and my children are so happy, they both said they cant wait to be the big brother/sister.We also talked to them before we had the tr done and they was please to know mom could have a new baby some day.
My tr was 4/7/08 and no bfp yet and my cycles have been way off, around 38 to 40 days.
SO yes i really regreted doing tl.
Posted by HisWill (Member # 12511) on September 24, 2008 12:00 PM:
What is interesting to me, is that often the association between guilt and symptoms is used to explain physiological symptoms following TL. When I first began having bad symptoms, very soon after TL, I didn't even regret the decision yet. I was convinced it was "for the best". My symptoms went on for months and months, until I began praying and crying about what I had done... So, my question (and I've answered this for myself on a personal/spiritual level) was did the symptoms CAUSE me to begin to realize and regret what I had done, since they came first? My TL was necessary to change my heart to understand what God had given me, and that what I had done (for me and my family) was wrong! I decided on the TL absent of my faith in God, and against my husband and doc's recommendations! So, once I realized what I had done, and that it would cost my family 7k for a trip to repair it, it hit me very hard. I'm thankful I had the TL because through it, I learned that large families, and children in general are the tool that God is using in me to mold me to what He wants me to be...had I not had it, I would be pregnant another time or two, and maybe I would view these additional children as blessings but burdensome, since my heart needed the change in many ways to ensure that my faith was complete. **Oh, and to touch on the blog, no pastor told me that my TL was "against God's will". This was something very personal between me, God and my husband. No pastor is in our bedroom-only Christ dwells there. I'm not religious, so it isn't about "rules" of do's and dont's. I'm saved by Christ, so for me, it was about the Holy Spirit working in a way to change my heart about this particular subject, just as He has in other ways-no rules. I don't believe you have to have lots of kids to be a Christian! If we never had another, I know my heart and so does God..this is a personal heart change of faith.** Blessings, Andrea
Posted by Jennifer K. (Member # 7884) on September 24, 2008 12:14 PM:
I may be unique in that I don't regret having my TL. At the time it was the right decision for me and I had no way of knowing how my life would change. I am grateful that I found CH and Dr. Berger who was able to give me what I needed when it came to the TR. I now have a beautiful daughter and I know that everything that came before, including my TL and TR, was so I could eventually have her in my life. Jenn
Posted by HisWill (Member # 12511) on September 24, 2008 12:20 PM:
I love your perspective JenniferK! That's exactly how I feel. Of course, I do wish I would have fully considered it with prayer before hand...but I do believe we must often go through bad things to open our eyes or to end up where we need to be!God Bless and congrats on having the baby you so wanted! Andrea
Posted by RebeccaJ (Member # 12216) on September 24, 2008 12:26 PM:
I had my tl right after my dd was born nearly 13 years ago. I didn't regret it at first, but within a year and our situation changed, then I regretted it.
We had the tl for financial reasons and very selfish reasons on my part. I smoked and could not take birth control and I was not aware of other methods, (shot etc.) until after the fact. (I have quit smoking since this time) I was also pressured by my mother and husband who informed me that four was enough.
In addition, I had lost a baby just prior to conceiving my dd. My husband was worried something would happen to me.
The sad part was, I was only 32 years old. I am now 45, had my tr this past July. If God blesses us then we are open to a blessing, if our time came and went then at least I will be relieved of my post ligation symptoms. I watched my sister get her tubal a few months after I had my daughter, (she had to have an emergency c-section and they let me go in with her). If you ever see this, you would never get a tl. God Bless Rebecca
TR 07/28/08
Posted by Amy1234 (Member # 5192) on September 24, 2008 01:02 PM:
Mine was a divorce and remarriage to a man with no children that got me searching the net. We have one together and are ttc #2, then I will have another tl. I am so glad we had tr as an option to allow us to complete our family together. Amy
TR Baby 5/31/07
TR #2...hopefully soon
Posted by in-Gods-hands (Member # 11795) on September 24, 2008 02:00 PM:
I had regret not long after because my body started acting up.I wanted something done before I even meet my now husband.My TL was done when I had a c-section with my last child.At the time and being with my first husband having no more children was the right thing. If I had not felt so bad I would not have thought about a TR. I am now remarried to a great man with no children of his own. But I will tell any that even if I never get blessed with another child, doing away with PTLS was wroth it all to me. I feel like myself again and my DH loves it because we get out more and have fun now. Before I felt to bad through out my cycle to where I did not even want to leave the house. Miranda
Posted by Flutist29 (Member # 12785) on September 24, 2008 02:09 PM:
I agree with the PTLS! My experience has been horrible since my TL. My poor DH has had to see me be in pain and deal with ME during it all for the last 3.5 years. I'm looking forward to relief myself. Getting pregnant is a desire, but we are turning that over to God.
Posted by Tanya from VA (Member # 9507) on September 24, 2008 02:44 PM:
My situation is a bit different than many here, but similar as well. I had my TL in 2000 after the birth of my second child. My dh and I were both working-full time outside the home, and finances were as crunched as they can be. We had one of each, and we were saving for our first single-family home. Neither of us liked birth control much - as married people we just found it tedious and unnecessary so we opted for the TL. We never could have forseen the time when finances changed, and original desire I had for three children would be become within our means both financially and being able to be at home full-time. I had moments of deep regret but mostly because other circumstances made our decision vs. us making it because we were complete. I didn't have daily regrets, I was not emotionally wrecked - just a longing and the occasional ache for something that I knew couldn't be. When I found CH - it was a dream come true. I'd never even heard of having it reversed! I couldn't get there fast enough. It didn't take long, and we were in CH getting it done. And while we had some ups and downs (one chemical, one loss at 10 weeks) we eventually welcomed our first TR baby in May 08. During the pg we had many long honest conversations about after and all the factors: the long emotional journey ttc, our ages, the age differences in our children - we agreed our family was going to be complete. There were some medical concerns but those aside - I would have re-ligated my tubes anyway. I'm 37 next month, I have three children and my life is very full. I know my limitations, and with the tools we have - we can raise these three within our means, still save, still enjoy our lives and give our children as much as we can. I have no regrets NOW, but I've never experienced PTLS or any other physical issues. After my first ligation I would get teary on occasion watching A Baby Story or seeing a pregnant lady, now I'm so over baby stuff it's a 180 change. Like everyone - I'm eternally grateful to CH for helping us have another child and completing our family. But I always expected to have my tubes re-tied - and have no regret at all. BFP's to all!
Posted by Kathy, ST (Member # 8285) on September 25, 2008 08:03 AM:
The expression of emotion from each of these stories creates a great support system for those women with this shared experience, whether it be tubal ligation, tubal reversal or both.
Kathy
Posted by in-Gods-hands (Member # 11795) on September 25, 2008 08:19 AM:
Flutist29 I know what you mean. I saw your big day is October the 8th. That is my birthday. I will truly be thinking of you on that day and saying prayers for you. I wish you all the best. It is funny too that we both live in NC. Tanya from VA your story is a great one that reminds us we never know how things will go. I wish you all the best. Miranda
ME-27
DH-22
DS-8
DD-4
TR-3/24/08
Posted by Eric'sGirl (Member # 10652) on September 25, 2008 10:31 AM:
Jennifer K... kudos to you for such a positive spin on the situation. Mine - a story that has been and will be told (UNFORTUNATELY) time and time again. A bad, abusive relationship... two babies back to back (blessed with a girl and a boy) and knowing I was leaving "some day" - couldn't risk another pregnancy. Dr. was going to do clips because I was so young. I said he had to do the "traditional" cut and burn... or I would catch hell at home for having something "removable." It could only mean I was planning to leave and start over again someday. TL Dr. went above and beyond the call of duty on that one! But Dr. B to the rescue! He pulled off some fancy work in there! No regrets, NOW! Through it all, I have meet some of the most amazing people: a doctor and a staff unparalleled any where on this planet, an amazing support group of women I will never meet and my October '07 girls... some of the best friends a girl could want. So, Jennifer K, I have come to your way of thinking. It all happens for a reason. One year TR anniversary is coming up... still no Berger Baby - yet, my life has been blessed one thousand times over by this whole journey! Thank you CHTRC staff! Chrissy
Posted by justnotme (Member # 12842) on September 25, 2008 11:11 AM:
I also now regret having a TL. I had mine 18 months ago after the birth of my 2nd child. We were blessed with a DS and DD and felt that no matter what anyways 2 children were enough for me. I had the TL because I as well did not want to have to deal with BC pills etc and figured I was having a repeat c/s so I would do then. Another factor was my age. I was 37 when I had my DD and thought gosh, I don't want to be having another one later on in life. So, after discussion with my OB about PTLS (I did research before my TL and stumbled across this website but didn\'t't really fully understand because of course I had not had it done yet) she informed me that it did not exist. Sooo, had it done. I didn't get my first AF until 6 months after my DD due to breastfeeding, but let me tell you it was a doozie!! I had never experienced something like that before. I just thought, oh well it's the first one post partum and dealt with it. Then I started noticing many more symptoms each month. So, I went searching again on the web and ended up here again. It has come full circle. PTLS does exist and that is why I am having the TR. To add to HisWill questioning whether the guilt or symptoms brought on the regret. For me it was the symptoms then the regret came. After reading about PTLS and it's affects on women, I then felt really BROKEN. I am now not only on a quest to feel better but to feel whole. I have a lot of faith in GOD and definitely feel like He led me back here so I need to do what I know in my heart I need to do. Not only for me but the health and well being of my family. My TR is scheduled for Oct 29th and I am sooooo excited to have it done. I am so glad the we have the Dr.s and staff at CH to help us all heal for whatever reasons we did this for. Thank you all for letting me share my story with you and I enjoyed reading all of yours. Lisa
Posted by HisWill (Member # 12511) on September 25, 2008 11:24 AM:
Lisa that's a great story. I pray the very best for you! I agree with you about symptoms first helping to lead to a feeling of being broken. It bothers me when the reverse is associated...like because we are sad we can't have children, suddenly our bodies are sick. I didn't even REALIZE I had regret until the symptoms of PTLS kept bludgeoning me. God Bless! Andrea
Posted by gotthebabybug (Member # 12913) on September 25, 2008 11:37 AM:
I want to share my experience with TL. I had 2 little ones and divorced my husband. It was a bad situation and I had to get out of that home. I was 14 hours away from family and wanted to stay in the area because of the children. Even if me and their father didn't get along it was no excuse for moving across the country. I stayed and ex remarried and our relationship changed. I actually consider his wife one of my closest friends, strange I know. So that leads my to baby number three. I started a relationship with a co worker big mistake. We eventually moved in together and I thought everything was peachy. He had a daughter from a previous marriage and he just adored her. I mean I never saw a man just love a child so much. He was also good with my boys, taking them out fishing all the time. A year into the relationship we discussed having a child of our own. Well the mere thought of it and bingo bango I was PG. Morning sickness was horrible and a month or 2 into it he tells me he is leaving and he wants me to have an abortion. My ex and his wife took me and the boys in for awhile because I was so sick and in shock. I actually had a discussion about abortion because I was just lost and didn't know what to do. Then I thought to hell with him I can do this on my own. He realized that this baby was coming like it or not. We managed to remain friendly and he went to child birth classes with me and was there for delivery. His mom was there too. He wanted baby to have his last name and I agreed not thinking things through - to hormonal. Anyway during the pregnancy I decided that all men were evil and it was best that I not having anymore children. He brought me and baby home from the hospital and never came around again. I called and asked for some help with support and wanting him in her life. He said he would give me $50.00 a month! I was in college and didn't want to take him to court so I agreed. Well he would call me and say I am in the parking lot come and get your money. Not once did he ask to see her. I called one night and asked for a little extra because I was low on diapers. He showed up with a check and stood in front of me and ripped it in half. What a man. I cried I didn't know what I was going to do. He said take me to court if you want the money. So I did and guess what he said it wasn't his. I think he did this to drag out the process. We had to take a paternity test and viola 99.9% his. This was almost a 2 year process. I finally started getting money and he quit his job, go figure. He then said he wanted visitation just to make me miserable not because he wanted anything to do with this child. I was financially comfortable at this point and really didn't need his money. I told him I will drop all child support if you agree to stay away. He didn't want this child and I didn't want her in an environment that was not good for her. She will be 8 next month and DH is the only daddy she has ever known. He would like to do a step parent adoption but I have fear of contacting her biological father. I did actually sit down and talk to her about him a few weeks ago. I have pictures and video of him at the birth and I want her to know about him. Anyway I know this is a long post. I have matured over the years and I had TL for all of the wrong reasons. I regret it and it has been an emotional roller coaster for me. I am grateful to have found this site and look forward to my TR. Going through this has made me a strong woman who will stand up for what is right. I have faith that this will all work out for me and a baby will bless our family. Kim
Posted by KimSmi (Member # 7996) on September 25, 2008 11:43 AM:
Life is a funny journey and it is best not to look back. I am another person who never regretted my TL. I had it when married to my ex and if I hadn't, we might have had more children together. Though I would not trade my kids for the world, it is best that he and I did not have any others together. I had TR in 2005 and we (me and my current DH) gave 2.5 yrs of our lives to TTC. We made a wholehearted effort to have a baby together. Lots of life changes happened in 2.5 years and we decided we did not want to expand the size of our family, so DH had a vasectomy in January this year. Still no regrets. Each choice we've made has been right for that time in life. Best to everyone.
Kim
TL 5/1999
TR 6/2005
DH-V 1/2008
Posted by jessicad (Member # 12914) on September 25, 2008 12:03 PM:
KimSmi - I really enjoyed reading your post and your statement "Life is a funny journey and it is best not to look back." That really says a lot. I too really have no regrets from getting my TL. Granted, now we're considering the possibility of having a TR, but at the time the TL was what we wanted. Maybe we could have chosen a less "permanent" option, but hey! we did what we felt was right. We never know what the future holds for us.
Posted by hpygrl (Member # 12861) on September 25, 2008 12:38 PM:
I chose to have my TL because I was married to an abusive man and could not imagine bringing another child into that.(I would not change having my DS and DD from that relationship though) But at the time I was not sure that I would survive everything that I was going through and my ex was looking for another reason to tie me to relatioship longer...and he thought another child was it. Any way, this could drag out for ever so I will cut it short. I chose to have my TL with no support from him. My sister was by my side the whole time and supported me more than I could have ever imagined. My GYN did try to talk me into something less permanent, but I was afraid my ex would take that as a sign that I may be planning to leave him one day since he all ready knew I did think that us having more children was a good idea. I did not regret my decision at all until I met a wonderful man and he asked me to marry him. He has no children of his own and initially we were fine with the idea of not having children together. Well, now that time has passed and we have both changed our mind about that I have scheduled my TR for Oct. 27. We are looking forward to TTC and will hopefully be bringing a little one into our family soon!
Posted by in-Gods-hands (Member # 11795) on September 25, 2008 12:48 PM:
gotthebabybug
What a touching story. I am so glad to hear that good or bad you have learned to stand up for what is right. The is what truly learning from your life is. My DH would like to adopt my 2 kids as well. But like you I am not ever looking forward to facing my ex about it all.I wish you all the best as you do what is right for your family. Miranda
TR-3/24/08
Posted by gotthebabybug (Member # 12913) on September 25, 2008 01:21 PM:
Its funny how all of the bad things I went through I some how managed to turn into a positive in my life now. At the time I would never have thought I would be in such a good place in my life. I have been blessed. I am a fighter and I always pull myself back to the top. If I don't get the chance to have another baby I will be fine with that. There are other avenues out there you just gotta look.Kim
Posted by in-Gods-hands (Member # 11795) on September 25, 2008 08:05 PM:
Kim that is so true. I tell everyone, "nothing you want in this life is going to come easy". You have to be a fighter. I wish you all the best and will be praying for you. Miranda
Posted by tjsncj (Member # 12135) on September 26, 2008 07:24 PM:
I do not regret my TL either. I was married at 17 had 3 kids by age 22 and had the TL during the c-section of my last baby. I had always wanted only 3 kids plus they said my uterus was thin and shouldn't have any more so I had the TL. Fast forward 17 years later and me ex left us for a snotty biotch. He definetely deserved what you got, she's a peach and makes him sleep in the basement. Two years later I remarried a younger man that had no children. The whole time after the TL I had no desire to have any more children but after I met him that was the only thing I wanted more than anything - giving him a child. Even though I hadn't wanted anymore I couldn't bear to live with myself if I was the reason he never had children. So we decided to have the TR and if it worked then it was meant to be. It apparently was meant to be because I had my TR on 9-7-05 and had a baby boy on 4-28-07. He came 6 weeks early on his daddy's 32nd birthday. It was rough adjusting to a baby again. My other kids were 21, 19 and 16 at the time. Of course they adore him and just seeing the way DH looks at his son makes it all worth it. I had another TL in October 2007 and I have not regretted that TL either. Good luck to all those that are TTCing. Like JenniferK, I think the journney I am on happened for a reason and he is now clomping around the house in his new shoes, dragging his blanket behind him where ever he goes. JoAnn
Posted by melissa29 (Member # 12929) on September 26, 2008 08:33 PM:
hi everyone i got my TL only seven years ago after my forth child and now im remarried and my husband loves my kids like his own but he really would like one of his own.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
